6 Jun 2025
welcome to a whole new newsletter! (elete: the pear has literally been changed...) thanks for being patient with me while i battled web development and email services and eventually managed to code and host this new site. there might be some teething issues (let me know if you spot any!) but it's been a while since i wrote a newsletter and i really wanted to get one out as soon as i could. it's winter here and i've been struggling to keep my head above water. i'm hoping that writing this keeps me tethered; reminds me that joy is never far away. let's get into it.
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8 Apr 2025
hello! it feels strange to be going into autumn in april, but such is my cross to bear. march was a strange month: after the joy of claireās visit, i felt muted emotionally and battered physically. iām trying to be patient with myself and hope that april brings a more even keel.
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23 Jan 2025
hello! itās time to close out the year of the dragon and enter the year of the snake, a year of outgrowing your past self, of discarding what doesnāt feel right, of wisdom and transformation and renewal. letās go for it.
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14 Dec 2024
hello, itās december and iāve been visited by what feels like a succession of biblical plagues (insects, blood, storms). as i type this i just had to dispose of a highly venomous spider that was inside our back door. crawling to the end of the year on my hands and knees, basically. wishing you all light and ease and warmth as 2024 closes out.
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4 Nov 2024
hello and welcome to november! iām entering into my fourth month of living in australia (yikes). it doesnāt get any easier being further from friends and community back home, and i still donāt know what shape my life is taking here, but iām taking it one day at a time. stay warm out there. i miss you.
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2 Oct 2024
hello! welcome to october, a time of year where i usually become extra deranged due to the onset of seasonal depression. down in australia spring is arriving which means i am actually feeling pretty hopeful, optimistic, believing in joy again, etcābut not to worry, still deranged as ever.
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12 Sept 2024
hello! usually i love the feeling that comes with september but my internal clock has been thrown out by this move and the change of hemisphere and the brutal tossing of my fragile body back into winter and consequently i have no idea what time of year it is. spring is coming i guess? rumour has it? but for those of you back in the northern hemisphere, i hope the nights arenāt drawing in too quickly.
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25 Aug 2024
hi, hello. a few people asked me whether i was planning to continue this substack while iām in australia and the answer is you canāt get rid of me that easily! life is very overwhelming and my brain is in a constant state of adapting and adjusting to all the confusing things that are happening, but iām trying to carve out time amidst all of that for my favourite activities: obsessing over things and sharing my thoughts.
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24 May 2024
hello! sorry for going awol. my thesis had its foot on my neck for the last few months, but itās submitted now!!! you donāt understand how over it had to be before we could be this back, etc. itās time to have thoughts again! nobody can stop me! i hope youāre all taking care of yourselves out there and getting sunlight on your faces.
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7 Feb 2024
hello. january felt particularly long and brutal this year, so absolutely good riddance to that, although the grey dreariness of february isnāt much comfort. as we head into the end of the lunar year, iām feeling sad to let the year of the rabbit go. i wrote last year: itās a year of escaping demons, of running fast and free, of being swift and full of tricks, of becoming ungovernable, and i think the year reflected that in many different ways. but itās time to look ahead to the year of the dragon: a year of burning bridges, of flying on the winds of morning, of myth and magic, of building a big hoard and keeping it safe.
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28 Dec 2023
hello loves. here we are at the end of the year. it feels impossible to write any kind of summary of [gestures broadly] whatever the fuck that was, so instead i want to take this moment to say: thank you for reading this newsletter, for keeping me company through 2023. i wish you love, light, and so many moments of joy in the year to come.Ā and as always: free palestine.
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1 Dec 2023
hello. scraping in at the tail end of november with a newsletter. i havenāt really been in the mood for writing, because there are more important things going on than what iāve been implanting into my brain, but i drafted this last week when i was in bed sick and i wanted to share it. take care of yourselves out there, agitate educate organise, end the occupation, fuck western imperialism, free palestine now and forever.
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6 Oct 2023
hello! itās october again, which means iām about to get even more reflective, deranged and earnest than usual as we head deeper into autumn and winter. sorry. itās truly out of my control.
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15 Sept 2023
hello! itās been over a year since i started this substack, which feels absolutely wild. thanks for sticking around all this time. hereās what iāve been thinking about so far in septemberāa month that always feels new to me, somehow.
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19 Aug 2023
hello! can you believe august is almost over? i once saw someone describe august as āthe sunday of monthsā and thatās how iāve felt these past weeks. somewhat adrift, a slight sense of dread at whatās on the horizon, panic that iām not making the most of the light warm days. the reminder that everything is temporary, and the seasons always change. sometimes thatās comforting, sometimes itās not. but it happens all the same.
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31 Jul 2023
hello! iāve given up any semblance of a regular schedule for this newsletter. clearly i have very little control over when i have thoughts.
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11 Jul 2023
hello! itās taken me a while to write this one, and parts of it were written weeks apart. i hope it doesnāt read too chaotically, but then again, chaos is part of the M.O. of this newsletter so letās just roll with it.
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18 May 2023
hello and welcome to another month in crazy town (my mind). itās been hard going, but iām trying, and iām still here. i hope the longer spring days are bringing more joy to youāand if not joy, then at least some kind of peace. thinking of you all.
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21 Apr 2023
hello. long time no see. to be honest, i have been (and am) very depressed. for a while that manifested as being too overwhelmed and stressed to have coherent thoughts on anything. and then a switch flipped and suddenly my head was entirely devoid of any thoughts whatsoever, which was overwhelming in a different way. iāve been taking life at a slower pace these days, and slowly thoughts are coming back. i wanted to share some of them here.
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17 Feb 2023
hello! it feels simultaneously like february is slipping through my fingers and also like we are never going to make it to spring. but the other day i stopped on the steps of the tate in the late afternoon and i thought, hey, itās still light out. a small gratitude but gratitude all the same.
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22 Dec 2022
hello! welcome to the final newsletter of the year! i am scheduling this to send on thursday as usual because iām unsure of my wifi situation this week, so i hope it gets to you all okay. iāve felt more reflective than usual as the year draws to a close. i looked back at my resolutions for 2022 and i did very few of them, but i think iāve grown in unexpected ways this year. it has been extraordinarily hard and miserable at times, but i am proud of myself for not giving up, for refusing to lie down in the hole, for trying my best, for being brave. iām grateful to everybody whoās held me through the year, and, okay, yeah, iāll say it: iām tentatively hopeful about the next one.
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9 Dec 2022
hello. can you believe the days are still getting shorter? i donāt know why the brutality of the winter dark always surprises me like thisāsurely i should remember that 4pm in december feels like the middle of the night, when it happens every year. anyway, i hope youāre all surviving and managing to find joy and light where you can. everything passes, even december.
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25 Nov 2022
hello and welcome to volume 7. november currently has its foot on my neck so iāve been struggling to have any thoughts at all that arenāt oh god can somebody please remove the pins theyāre stabbing into my wax doll, but here we are anyway!
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10 Nov 2022
hello! iām back. someone (elete or hayley maybe?) once said that the year doesnāt start until lunar new year has passed, so hereās the first newsletter of the real new year. happy year of the rabbit! itās a year of escaping demons, of running fast and free, of being swift and full of tricks, of becoming ungovernable. letās get it.
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10 Nov 2022
hello! i wrote most of this dispatch in a state of delirious exhaustion last weekend, so apologies for how rambling and incoherent it is.
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28 Oct 2022
hello, welcome to volume 5. it truly brings me indescribable joy that people read this and share their own reflections on it! thanks for sticking with me.
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13 Oct 2022
hello, welcome to volume 4! weāre well into october which means iām entering peak derangement season. buckle up!!
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30 Sept 2022
hello! volume 3 turned out way more earnest than the other two. sorry about that. blame it on the seasons changing and the fact that iāve been listening to angel of realtime by gang of youths for 3 days straight.
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15 Sept 2022
hello and welcome back to the latest edition of things i am rotating inside my mind like the worldās most deranged microwave.
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2 Sept 2022
hi! welcome to the first edition of whatever this substack is. i thrive off of rigidly-planned structure, so iām going to organise it into four sections: listening / watching / reading / other. these might stay the same every time or maybe theyāll shift, who knows.
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