change the pear vol. 2 15 Sep 2022

hello and welcome back to the latest edition of things i am rotating inside my mind like the world’s most deranged microwave.

on repeat

the king by ATEEZ. the king is dead! [sirens blaring] let’s get up! let’s go up!

last seen

i know nobody cares beyond me about the heading change, but my reasoning is that i think last seen is better because it can encompass art & live music as well as tv/movies!

last week i visited the barbara hepworth museum with claire, which is her studio and garden in st ives. i loved it so much. i’ve always felt drawn to her sculptures when i’ve seen them before in galleries, but the sensation of being in the garden, being able to move around and through the sculptures, was so different. it felt so right to see them in a natural environment, amongst the foliage, in the rain and sun. i liked that we were by the sea; it’s clear to see the influence of the landscape and the way the sea weathers and erodes rock on the pieces. it was special to see her studio, too, and the unfinished sculptures in the process of becoming. art can be beautiful because it seems effortless but it’s grounding to realise how much work goes into creating it.

“Above all there was the sensation of moving physically over the contours of fulnesses and concavities, through hollows and over peaks—feeling, touching, seeing, through mind and hand and eye…I am the form and I am the hollow, the thrust and the contour.”  — Barbara Hepworth

currently watching

1. kinnporsche. okay so i’m now on episode 8 and i honestly cannot believe that people think it’s good. it is like watching a badly written mafia au fanfiction with zero relationship development—well, actually reading a fanfiction would probably be more enjoyable than watching kinnporsche because at least i’d go into the fanfiction with a baseline investment in the characters. whereas my feelings towards kinn (the mafia boss) lie somewhere on a scale that ranges from complete apathy to active dislike. in the last episode i watched he casually tells porsche (bodyguard who he recently started dating) that he murdered his ex-boyfriend because he thought his ex was spying on him. this is presented as a sad, tender moment of confession, not because kinn regrets killing someone but because the experience has left him with “trust issues”. sir, what? no actually, WHAT? YOU have trust issues??? like, i’m supposed to care about this guy? don’t get me wrong, i do enjoy morally complex characters (jiang cheng & jaime lannister as prime examples). but i need to understand their motivations, see them struggle with their choices, and also undergo some form of character development. with kinn? there’s nothing! porsche is also disappointingly 2D—i had hopes for him after seeing him struggling with how his role as a bodyguard means he has to hurt and kill people who are like his parents/people he knows, but then that went absolutely nowhere! god i really need to stop watching this but it’s like a car crash i can’t look away!!!

2. the sopranos. oh it was alllllll over for me as soon as i realised tony has mommy issues a mile wide. before going in, abeera told me that this show is the most accurate representation of therapy she’s seen on tv and she was completely correct. i’m midway through season 1 and can’t wait to continue. the rhythm and pace of tv has changed so much over the years so there’s something very comforting about returning to an old classic.

3. the bear. two weeks later and i’m still on the same episode i was last time. i know I KNOW. i’m keeping it on the list so i actually don’t abandon it because i do want to finish! i love complicated sibling feelings! i love found family! i love cooking!

4. drive to survive. you know when you watch something and you’re like, well unfortunately this is going to change me as a person? i fear that watching daniel riccardio win the 2018 monaco grand prix did exactly that.

reading

right now i’m in the middle of the idiot by dostoyevsky. it’s been a while since i’ve read a Big Classic Novel, and i’ve really missed the feeling of settling into one. often reading long classics feels a bit like watching a soap opera or reading fanfiction—hear me out!! they’ve got characters with big personalities, events happening all the time, improbable plot twists, heightened emotions, long exchanges of dialogue, exposition… anyway i am enjoying the experience. i can’t say i’m always 100% clear on what is happening (had to resort to sparknotes because i completely missed the point of a couple of chapters) but i love how melodramatic everything is, how intensified all the feelings are, how a character will undergo a personality change in like 2 paragraphs, how you can never be sure exactly what someone’s motivations are or whether they even know themselves. it’s messy and chaotic and i love it!

miscellaneous

swimming in the cornish sea with claire and feeling the sun full on our faces. seeing a full rainbow on an early morning run in st ives. this poem by alice oswald. this poem about early fall. sarah meeting hareem’s nephew for the first time. devin gael kelly’s essay about a mary ruefle poem. eating sushi in hareem’s bed (my safe space). eating devonshire salt and vinegar crisps with claire. the chilled red wine we had in st ives. the sheer elation of meeting someone new at a party and having them go, wait, you’re into BTS too?! claire’s red lentil dahl. the marx hand puppet hareem gifted me. chris pine at the venice film festival. the new percy jackson trailer. & finally.

thank you for reading!!!